Hope the new year is off to a great start and the resolutions are still going strong two weeks in! Here are some photos of life the past couple of weeks, including our very first snow day!!! This SoCal girl is loving a taste of real winter, but also very thankful for puffy coats, hot chocolate, and heaters. Enjoy!
Jacob and I got shut out of the game circle...sad day
Tap shoes ready to go! Tap Lovers here we come :)
Beautiful sunny start to 2013!
Settlers to bring in the new year
Embracing her asian side, mask and all
Above and below L and R- Museum of Modern Art, Tokyo (MOMAT) with Christine
Well it's a new year and the Lord is already teaching me A LOT. You would think after a certain amount of time I would get the hints he's been dropping for so long and take lessons to heart. But I suppose that is one of the joys of being human- we're thick headed and stubborn.
For our Day with the Lord on Monday I listened to two talks given by Michael Oh at Cru's college winter conference held in San Diego every year. I had attended it the last three years of college so was thankful to be able to follow this one through their livestream. Michael Oh is the president and founder of CBI Japan which does church-planting, outreach, and runs a graduate-level theological seminary. He and his family live in Nagoya, Japan though he is from a Korean background. His teaching was very truthful and gave me a lot of hard things to think about and pray through.
I've begun thinking about what next year will bring, specifically if I will re-STInt or not. It's hard and scary to think about because both sides have good and challenging aspects to them. One thing Michael said forced me to begin reevaluating my way of thinking about the future. He challenged his audience to fast. And not just food like we normally think of fasting. He challenged them to fast from comfort, recognition, the love and nearness of family. He challenged them to fast from the American Dream- their agenda and aspirations- for the sake of the gospel. That challenge hit painfully close to home for me. As I prayed over it I didn't know how to respond, or even if I could. It terrifies me to think of fully letting go of my agenda. I don't often think of myself as even having an agenda, but there certainly are things that I hope for in life and am scared to trust the Lord to provide.Knowing he can and will is one thing, but being able to really live in that truth is another. Being broken and weak as I am, it's a daily battle to walk in the knowledge and faith that Jesus is worth giving up my earthly comfort and desire for recognition and success.
Another thing Michael Oh said is that we were created for comfort, but the comfort we were created to enjoy is an eternal, heavenly comfort. The comfort this earth can provide is temporary and unsatisfactory. Can't I then give up a few decades of earthly comfort for the sake of a beautiful, perfect comfort with my creator? That's what I want most of all, but it is not easy.
So here I am again, fighting to live for things that last, things that matter. I'm thankful the Lord is patient with me and faithful in pursuing me with the truth. Please pray that I would be made more and more aware of his grace in my life and be able to surrender my "American Dream" to him.
It's been so wonderful having my parents and younger brother here over the holidays. I've been able to show them the places of my daily life and some of the people as well. I'll be able to post more once things have slowed down, but for now here are a few snapshots of my holiday time. I hope you all had a truly blessed Christmas.
The Christian walk is often likened to a race. In 1 Corinthians Paul bids us to run the race so we might get the prize at the end. In Hebrews 12:1 we are called to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. I enjoy running, but am not committed enough to call myself a runner or competitive enough to call myself a racer. A lot of the time it feels like the Christian life is at a 100 yard dash pace for the distance of a marathon. Basically, it's hard. It takes everything out of you and then there is still more race to run. Lovely.
I'm particularly aware of this sense of sprinting a marathon here in Japan. Everything is heightened here, the good becomes great, the hard becomes impossible, the sad becomes heart-breaking. This part of my race is more difficult. I felt pretty spiritually "in shape" coming into the year, if you will allow me to stretch my metaphors that far, but one can never be perfectly prepared. There are always bumps in the race path, muscles tighten without notice, the weather conditions worsen. Life happens. But one must continue racing.
In Hebrews 6, the early church is implored to keep running the race. In verses 9-12 the author writes,
"Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case- things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."
These Christians were growing weary in their race. Here they were reminded that God had seen and delighted in all they had done for him thus far. They were encouraged to find joy in being diligent in continuing to love and serve God's children. They were called to not only race well, but also to finish well, with faith and patience.
I was challenged by this call to run my race with faith and patience. I challenge you to join me in that. And remember what a joy and privilege it is to run this race for our heavenly Father.
On the 10th we had our December Day with the Lord. I didn't go in expecting much to happen, just hoping for a restful day to spend with Jesus and thankful for the time to get out of the apartment for awhile. I went for a walk along the Kanda River that runs by my neighborhood. The sun was warm and the air was sharp but refreshing. Walking quickly, my brain wandered in and out of thoughts and prayer. There was no goal or intent for the time, I just wanted to get away from everything.
Further along the river walk is a small playground and benches. I found a bench in a patch of sunlight so I sat down and started listening to my i-pod. Everything was fine and dandy until Phil Wickham's Safe started playing. Out of nowhere I began bawling my eyes out. In that instant I felt completely alone, totally wiped out, and utterly helpless. There are no words to describe the moment except it was very dark and very sad. It was shocking, too, because I thought I was entering the day in a pretty good place. Ministry, team stuff, and time with the Lord the previous week had all been good. And yet here I was crying on a bench in the middle of Tokyo, hiding the tears with my sunglasses and blowing my nose on a waxy napkin from the Vie de France Cafe. Apparently all was not well.
That afternoon I tried to figure out why I had felt so sad in that moment. Nothing came to mind. I certainly have daily struggles with living in such a foreign place, of being bold on campus and not worn down by spiritual warfare, and of being content where I am so far from friends and family. While these are all hard things, none seemed to explain the depth of my despair in that instant. As I was thinking through all this, I felt the Lord calling me and reminding me of something else that had happened as I sat on the bench.
Tears running down my face, the words of the song "the hands that hold the world are holding your heart" rang in my head. Though I didn't understand why I related to the song so much, why my heart felt so tired and broken, I clearly felt the Lord holding me. In that instant of pure sorrow and loneliness he showed up and made his presence known.
There are only a handful of moments in my life that I can point to and say I felt God's presence in my life. Because they are few and far between, these moments are extremely beautiful and precious to me. This moment was a gift from my very gracious heavenly Father and I cherish it.
I still don't know why I felt so sad on Monday. I don't know if I will ever have an answer. But I'm now okay with that because I do know something more important- I know, without a doubt, that the Lord met me in my sadness and held me in his arms. And I know I will always have that moment of certainty and assurance when the going gets tough and life seems very dark. The Lord is good to give us these moments of absolute certainty of his existence to cling to when our world is falling apart and our faith is weak. I'm thankful for his love and grace expressed to me in this way.
My prayer for all of us is that we would daily become more aware of how safe we are in the Father's arms.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
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