Hard Times

Well, today the honeymoon officially ended. I think I shared last week that it was a really dry week for me with few quality conversations and not much encouragement. God ended it on a higher note for me so I entered the weekend reassured. Going back to campus today was a reality check yet again because it was very hard to initiate meaningful conversation today. Most students have all of their final exams in the next couple weeks so they are much busier with studying and homework.

My partner and I talked with a couple people but the conversation felt really forced on our part so we finally prayed in one of the buildings from a window seat looking out onto campus. She was having a particularly rough day and was able to open up about it. We had a good cry and our last hour or so was just spent being honest with ourselves and with God about how we were struggling. Our leaders had told us about this "mid project crisis" of sorts and it definitely hit today. I wasn't as down as my sharing buddy was, but I could totally relate to her emotions because God had been breaking me since last week.

We had to meet with our team at 4 so we went to the central meeting spot and saw two other girls from our team. They had had a rough day as well and we all just broke down crying for ourselves and each other. We prayed together with lots of sniffling and tears but I personally felt really refreshed after that time of vulnerability. I think it helped the three of them especially to see that it wasn't just them feeling frustrated or discouraged. I definitely think Satan wants us to believe that we're each alone in our feelings of inadequacy and discouragement because that takes away from the work we're called to here. Sometimes when there aren't immediate results from our work it's easy to wonder why we are even here in Tokyo, what makes US worthy, why God would want US to be here. And yet I guess I've been realizing that it's a testament to the moving that God is doing through us that Satan would feel threatened enough to attack us in this way. I'm slowly coming to terms with that fact that I might not see tangible results while I'm here or even in this lifetime but I need to trust that God is working through me here in Tokyo, that he did call me here for a specific purpose and that when I get to heaven someday I will finally understand the fruits of my labor here. It's something I really want to believe but at the same time it is hard to have my actions back it up.


Anyways, I wanted to be vulnerable with you just as I am learning to be vulnerable with my team in this struggle that we're going through. I would obviously appreciate your prayers for us all that we would just be reminded of the Gospel in our own lives as we try to reach if the Japanese with it. It's hard to speak truth when you don't fully believe in it and are totally invested.

Thank you.